THE FUNDAMENTALS ARE SOUND: A MaxSpeak Flashback

by the Sandwichman

To commemorate finding $800 in an ATM yesterday, from May 2006: THE FUNDAMENTALS ARE SOUND by the Sandwichman. The story of a poor sandwich-man from Lithuania who found a fortune in a snow bank, went nuts and ended up back where he started, told entirely in headlines.

It's Friday in Tokyo and the Nikkei is down 2.4%
as the Yen rises to a 8-month high against the Dollar.

Gold hit a 26-year high of $728 an ounce
before closing at $721.50 in New York,
while the Dow Jones Industrial Average
"plunged" 142 points on Thursday.

It's time for the Sandwichman to make a prediction:

The stock market will not crash on Friday!

However, just in case it does,
below the jump is an improbable story,
told completely in headlines,
about a poor sandwich-man
who found a fortune in stock certificates
in a snow bank on Wall Street.

——————————
'Sandwich Man' Restores $45,000
To Brokers but Goes Unrewarded
—————
$1-a-Day Sign Carrier Finds Wallet
in Snow Outside Stock
Exchange and Gives It to Policeman
— Owners of Stock
Think Recompense, if Any,
Is Up to Surety Company.
—————
$1-A-DAY MAN FINDS
$45,000 IN STOCKS
—————
Wouldn’t Keep Real Money Either.
—————
Once Found $60 at Dance.

——————————
REWARDS SHOWER
ON ‘SANDWICH’ MAN
—————
Finder of $45,000 Securities
Gets $105 Cash and Promise
of Clothing and Job.
—————
WEEPS AT PRESENTATION
—————
Surety Concern Also Will Give
Him $20 for Next 10 Weeks
— Banker Among Donors.
—————
Saw 'Sandwich” Man in Gale.
—————
Surety Concern to Give $275.
—————
Gets $25 More.

——————————
FINDER OF $42,000
'IN WALL ST.' NOW
—————
'Sandwich' Man Lays
Aside His Boards to Take Job
as a Broker's Messenger.
—————
EATS WITH NEW EMPLOYER

—————
Trips to Haberdashery and a

Barber Shop Complete His
Busy Day Downtown.
—————
Reports on New Job Today.
—————
More Gifts Are Sent in.
——————————
'SANDWICH MAN' HELD
IN PSYCHOPATHIC WARD
—————
After 'Look' at Him,
One Man Drops Dead

——————————
LUCK BRINGS WOE
TO 'SANDWICH MAN'

—————
Finder of $45,000,
Glorified for
Honesty, Is Deranged by
Sudden Affluence.

—————
RICHER DIET MAY BE CAUSE
—————

Doctors Hope for Recovery of
Former Derelict Whose ‘Look’
Killed an Associate

——————————
THE TOO IMPROBABLE.
——————————
SANDWICH MAN UNCHANGED
Tests on Greges at Bellevue Not
Yet Completed.
——————————
DELUSIONS ENDED FOR
SANDWICH MAN
—————
Finder of $45,000, Who Rose
to Sudden Riches and Fame,
Leaves Bellevue Today.
—————
BUT DOCTORS ADVISE REST
—————
Frank Greges, However, Says He
Is ‘Full of Pep’ and Wants
to Get Back to Job

——————————
‘SANDWICH MAN'
GOES HOME IN TAXI
—————
He Leaves Bellevue to 'Take It
Easy' on Rewards for His
Return of Securities.
—————
PHYSICIAN GIVES HIM $5
—————
With This ‘Change’ in Pocket,
He Poses for Photographers,
Then Rides Off on $1.20 Trip

——————————
‘SANDWICH MAN'
RETURNS TO BEAT
—————
Greges Carries Boards Once
More After Touch of Fame
for Restoring $45,000.
—————
PHILOSOPHICAL ABOUT IT
——————
Has ‘Maybe a Couple Hundred
Dollars’ of His Rewards for
Honesty — Snubs Farm Work